When you lose someone you love all that remains is the pain. Don't be fooled by those who tell you to cherish the good memories. Those very same good memories become your dreams at night. The hunt you down in your sleep. You relive them every night and they seem so real, only to wake up in the morning and realize they were just dreams. You realize that your heart is being squeezed in your chest and you feel the tears well up in your eyes. Reality floods back in and you remember what you did. You remember that it all ended as if it had ended only yesterday.
No. The fond memories will not save you. They were not meant to save you. The fond memories were meant to be building blocks in your relationship. Instead they are now the weight that crushes you when you try to go on with your life and see what you can do.
Move on. What a stupid word to say. As if you passed an accident and your curiosity made you slow down and look. Now you have to move on. Move on. How stupid can you be? As if the years that you spent were not part of you, as if you're supposed to become someone else, someone new, and pretend that what you were a year ago was not real. Move on. The most cruel word you can hear.
You can move on if you were hurt by someone you loved. You can forgive and forget, or at least ignore the person that caused you the pain, you can move on if you were the victim, but not if you were the culprit of your own demise. Not if you were to blame. No. That crime's punishment is that you and your tormentor are locked in the same body forever. You will be entwined for the rest of your days. He will not let you forget, nor will he relent in his torture. You will be your own sadistic fiend that wakes you up at night and tears your mind from the inside out, depriving you of sleep, of thought, of a will.
What others don't understand is that you also become the grateful recipient of that torment. You accept the pain and cherish it. You feel the burning of the loss and would not let go of that burning because you know that to let go of that pain is to let go of the last remaining good thing in your life. The last remaining trace of a love you lost.
People say letting go is not easy. They don't understand that sometimes letting go is not an option. Letting go of the last trace of decency in you will leave you empty. Perhaps you lost your chance at being filled with bliss, and with your decisions allowed that bliss to leave you, leaving behind her the pain as a reminder of your mistakes. If you let go of the pain it will only leave the void.
We've been corrupted, as a race, as a species, as men, when it comes to love. We have been lead to believe that there was such a thing as absolute and universal love. A gargantuan ethereal repository of pure love in the Universe from which we draw our buckets and drink if we wish. A source of love that can heal and replenish our losses so we can be once again filled with bliss and "move on".
There isn't. It was all concocted by generations of marketing that sold us on to the idea of the universal healing love. A scam that lines the pockets of every self help guru, reiki enthusiast, holistic doctor, shaman, priest, and charlatan alike. They can use it to convince you that you have been replenished with love, and in fact you'd be living the fake life.
The real life says that when you do something wrong you pay the price. That is Karma. It does not change. It does not accept offerings. It does not offer redemption.
It is immovable, unwavering, forceful, and triumphant.
When you are the cause of your own pain you will remain its recipient to the end of your days.
No. The fond memories will not save you. They were not meant to save you. The fond memories were meant to be building blocks in your relationship. Instead they are now the weight that crushes you when you try to go on with your life and see what you can do.
Move on. What a stupid word to say. As if you passed an accident and your curiosity made you slow down and look. Now you have to move on. Move on. How stupid can you be? As if the years that you spent were not part of you, as if you're supposed to become someone else, someone new, and pretend that what you were a year ago was not real. Move on. The most cruel word you can hear.
You can move on if you were hurt by someone you loved. You can forgive and forget, or at least ignore the person that caused you the pain, you can move on if you were the victim, but not if you were the culprit of your own demise. Not if you were to blame. No. That crime's punishment is that you and your tormentor are locked in the same body forever. You will be entwined for the rest of your days. He will not let you forget, nor will he relent in his torture. You will be your own sadistic fiend that wakes you up at night and tears your mind from the inside out, depriving you of sleep, of thought, of a will.
What others don't understand is that you also become the grateful recipient of that torment. You accept the pain and cherish it. You feel the burning of the loss and would not let go of that burning because you know that to let go of that pain is to let go of the last remaining good thing in your life. The last remaining trace of a love you lost.
People say letting go is not easy. They don't understand that sometimes letting go is not an option. Letting go of the last trace of decency in you will leave you empty. Perhaps you lost your chance at being filled with bliss, and with your decisions allowed that bliss to leave you, leaving behind her the pain as a reminder of your mistakes. If you let go of the pain it will only leave the void.
We've been corrupted, as a race, as a species, as men, when it comes to love. We have been lead to believe that there was such a thing as absolute and universal love. A gargantuan ethereal repository of pure love in the Universe from which we draw our buckets and drink if we wish. A source of love that can heal and replenish our losses so we can be once again filled with bliss and "move on".
There isn't. It was all concocted by generations of marketing that sold us on to the idea of the universal healing love. A scam that lines the pockets of every self help guru, reiki enthusiast, holistic doctor, shaman, priest, and charlatan alike. They can use it to convince you that you have been replenished with love, and in fact you'd be living the fake life.
The real life says that when you do something wrong you pay the price. That is Karma. It does not change. It does not accept offerings. It does not offer redemption.
It is immovable, unwavering, forceful, and triumphant.
When you are the cause of your own pain you will remain its recipient to the end of your days.
